Imaginary Exes
A popular-science book about limerence: when one person takes over every thought and the whole romance plays out in your head. A personal story and a clear look at the science, honest and never syrupy.
There's a word for it
- limerencelim·er·ence, noun
- Being in love in a way that keeps pulling your thoughts back to one person, with your mood hanging on the smallest sign of their attention. Psychologist Dorothy Tennov coined the word in 1979.
- a name, not a diagnosis
- daydreamingday·dream·ing, noun
- Vivid, detailed stories that play out in your imagination, sometimes for hours. Psychologist Eli Somer described its most extreme form, maladaptive daydreaming, in 2002.
- conversations that never happened
A hundred crushes. Nearly all of them imaginary.
Classmates and coworkers, actors and musicians, characters from books and TV. From kindergarten to now. The same thing every time: he's the one, this is forever, nothing else is worth thinking about. A week or a few years later it fades. And then it starts again.
This book is about how attention behaves when we fall for someone: why it sticks to one person, and what science knows about it.
Imaginary. Still exes.
Not a diary. Popular science.
The personal story is where the book starts, not where it ends. The answers come from research: what happens to our attention, our brain and our imagination when we fall for someone.
- Psychology
- limerence as described by Dorothy Tennov¹ and daydreaming as studied by Eli Somer²
- Neuroscience
- dopamine, serotonin and the brain's default mode network
- Sources
- over 40 footnotes: studies and explanations
The science was checked by Svetlana Bozrova, PhD in biology, immunologist and science journalist.
- 1 Tennov D. Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love. New York: Stein and Day, 1979.
- 2 Somer E. Maladaptive daydreaming: A qualitative inquiry. Journal of Contemporary Psychotherapy, 2002, 32(2–3).
Who it's for
- For anyone who has ever thought about someone more than about themselves.
- For the people someone fell for like this. They may never have known.
- For the curious, who want to know what goes on inside other people's heads.
Reserve a copy
The book is on its way to print. Reserving is free and commits you to nothing: we'll write as soon as sales open and set a copy aside for you.
| English ebook | EPUB and PDF | in translation |
|---|---|---|
| English paperback | shipped to you | in translation |
| Russian original | 100 воображаемых бывших | coming soon |
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